Words can walk through a million thousand miles, words can travel into the depth of space, all that it would take is someone to listen, someone to read, someone to understand.
I am so bad at painting 😅, but my drawings aren’t that bad. At least I can say, I am proud of them, tht aren’t exotic but I try.
I was bad at drawing as far as I always knew, but sometime during the lockdown, I decided to draw alongside my brother and sister, to kill the boredom… And boom💥… It was actually beautiful… Not good but if you had seen my former drawings you would understand my joy….
I used alot of names … For my art name… Based on what I liked😅
@Sakura532 , @lia @phoenix… But am just gonna stick with the first one which is also my IG name… Tell me what u think of them… Well bye☺️
It really only takes a second for a heart that once loved you to repulse you, just a second for a eyes that once stared at you lovingly to channel such hatred into a glare, that makes those beautiful orbs that once adored and cherished you, to hate you. Just a while.
Everytime I look at the sun, the beauty of it, to provide light to all human forms, to provide heat and warmness, to see how complex human emotions really are, I can’t help but marvel at how wonderful our creator really is.
I wonder if the heart is what creates those emotions in us, because I find that with every display of emotion the heart reacts, be it love or infatuation… (Many of us have heard of the occasional butterflies in my tummy, or bad- ump bad- ump, the heart racing, or the occasional heat rush) Though our scientists will beg to differ🤭. So many things cannot really be explained, even the explanations that have been given have loopholes, that we have grown to believe just to cure ourselve of going insane with looking for answers.
We give a definition to everything, because we define the universe, step by step, land by land, sea, land and air, space, void, black hole, stars and planet, we are humans, developing our seconds, to make a minute, growing in time and space .. avoiding a depth less void that began before time, before creation.
What does it mean when you have to die alittle to live alittle, cause that’s all we all get, alittle time, to live and grow, to feel pain, and to laugh, to dance , be merry, to hug and cuddle, to anger and to annoy, all this little things we do for just a little time, because it truly is never enough when love comes into the story♥️… Once a heart stops beating it’s considered dead, so for a second when your heart skips a beat, in and out, you have died alittle just to live a little, when that time comes, when it happens, remember my word…. You have to die alittle 👌🏼 (just a teensy, tiny, bittle , weeny tweeny, tiny ) bit so that you can live, trust me , if you have met some great heroes you’d know that, death isn’t always the end of life nor does it always mean the end, really it’s truly the beginning, do not be afraid to die alittle, ( I am not saying that there will be no fear at all☺️, most of us fear death after all) but be happy, even for the little things.
A figure eight , fair skinned, white glowing teeth, long hair acne free, pimple free, spotless , plump lips, pumped and curvy body, that is the idea of beauty. You’d be surprised by what people’s definition of beauty is.
I am not going to be a spiritual monk, by telling you that true beauty resides in the heart and attitude of a person, because no one actually cares this days. If she is pretty then she is worthy enough to be seen with you.
I hear body shaming, I see people taking surgeries to change one thing or the other, to improve and to feel more confident. I just wonder sometimes, why people have to do this? But then Someone will say, “you don’t know how it feels to be insulted and mocked” , ” you aren’t as ugly as I am” or perhaps, ” you don’t know how it feels”…. Trust me I don’t, because anyone who dared to insult me got a straight punch their face (just kidding 🤭). I probably don’t know how it feels, but I sure understand, maybe just a tiny weensy bit.
Once when I was in my first year of highschool, a boy in my class walked up to me just to tell me that my mouth was smelling😖😨😓😫…. That hurt badly, and I must admit, I was speechless, I felt choked up, my brain couldn’t process the information yet I felt the brunt, my loud out spoken, sweet comeback mouth was speechless, she had nothing to say, she was dumbfounded, so I understand maybe not in your aspect but I do, even if it’s just a tiny bit. To be with your entire class, chatting in a area where everyone was listening, surrounded by the male empire, one walked up to me and said “shut up please, your mouth is smelling” that hurt my ego, my pride, my self esteem, I, someone who was cold and considered heartless felt like crying, I felt burnt and speechless… I don’t know if you have felt that way before or even worse, but I learnt something that day..
“only words that I let hurt me, can hurt me” I heard those words and I let it hurt me, even though I had perfectly brushed my teeth, and maybe even sprayed minty breath, no one else had complained, maybe my teeth wasn’t the best for a model dentist work, but it wasn’t bad enough to the extent that I was insulted, I let it hurt me and so it did.
“When we ourselves, do not know what true beauty is, who are we to call anything ugly” – Lia
Beauty is being able to love yourself, accept yourself and believe that those things society call flaws are what makes your different and beautiful!
Don’t let the app filters define you, don’t make a plastic fake of yourself, you love make up , use it, but don’t ever be ashamed of how your look without the concealer amd mascara…. You my dear are beautiful when you dare to accept that you are , when you fall madly in love with yourself, then , you are beautiful.
Personally I proudly say, I am the most beautiful person I have ever seen, call it pride by I don’t care, all I care is what I think of myself, and i think that I am beautiful! If iu wait for someone to tell you that your are beautiful then you wait in vain, because tongues are sweet when the lips moves sweetly! .
Dude A: Lia you are beautiful, simply perfect
Me: yes I know! Mama made sure I tell myself that every morning.
Blow the 🎺…… Roses are red, violets are blue, you are +1 today, and that’s the best thing about today.
One of the day is 24th of February!
And also our dear – Kantierbee’s – birthday. She is my sister, my friend, my co – blogger, and also an admin on Pixie’s blog.
Happy Happy birthday, if she had only come out earlier, by 11 days back she would be a Valentina, or something 🤭… But she decided to enjoy mummies tummy for a few more days before gracing us with her presence. It is truly amazing ❤️, and thank you for all the help you have provided me with, being loving, angry and sometimes hateful but all in all, you have been my cute little chumpkin. Happy birthday ☺️
Guys and ladies, send in your messages…. Let’s celebrate our lovely chumpkin ….. Happy birthday…dear , wish you more happiness, joy and prosperity, keep on smiling ❤️
A curve in the sky, one that forms a full circle. A mid light, right above us. One that can be seen all over the world, as long as you look up, the moon , the sun , either will be seen. In the darkness and in the light, in sorrow and in joy.
The sun sets the moon shines, something to look forward to something to look upward to. Something that always shows, something that doesn’t fail to perform it’s duty, if not duty, it doesn’t fail to keep his promises.
Looking up sometimes I don’t realise that it’s there, the moon, the sun, always there, up in the sky, never fails to show up.
Twilight or dawn, sunrise or sunset, a promise that doesn’t fail
Sadly some stories don’t have a happy ending, or perhaps not the ending we would prefer. Be it the hero dying or the heroine, or perhaps the redemption of a villain who ends up dying, we would rather want ‘the happy ever after’ chapter , but we have forgotten that there is no such thing as a happy ever after, no such. It’s just a phrase that we use to sugar coat endings.
That brings us to the question of what a happy ever after truly is? Is it the hero and the heroine finally getting married and living happy? Or is it a villain getting redemption and finally living a good life? Or perhaps the hero or heroine finally realizing who they really are? What is a happy ending? What is your happy ending? We say it like we truly know but maybe we don’t, because there is no such thing as a happy ending……
A suiting phrase, or an ancient line, passed from generation to generation or maybe it’s the perfect ending……* Because who exactly doesn’t love happy endings? * Some of us don’t!!! Or maybe our idea of a happy ending is rather different from the norm.
When you decide what your happy ending is, the beginning will be just a phase
I have always thought I wasn’t good enough to live. ( Not sucidal or anything 😅) Maybe it’s because of decisions I make, or because I care too much of other people’s thoughts, you are probably thinking that I shouldn’t listen to others, and trust me I am not, but on those times when I am all by myself thinking, their words come to mind and I ask myself what right do I have to live? Without a purpose? Without a spark? What are my living for? Am I fulfilled?
Trying to find my purpose I am walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, along the line I find out that We don’t make our own purposes, your purpose is your meaning of life, how you see the world, what you make out of it, Your spark is what makes you happy, that thing you seem to do that makes you special, that adds glitter and shimmer, the icing on the cake, you love playing the piano, you love dancing, you love singing, you love calculating, you love reading, you love sitting down, you love eating chips on a deflated couch👀, you love singing in the shower even though everyone tells you that your voice is horrible 😅, that is the spark , what makes everything better to you, it seems like our purpose but it is not.
Waiting my entire life, just for this day, hoping that I’d feel different, a spark, like things are going to change but it’s just like every other day, what makes it feel special is you and your choice. You find yourself waiting, and hoping for alot of things, the day you meet the queen of England, or perhaps the day you finish school, the day you are independent, the day you finally get to meet your celebrity idol, D- day waiting , on that day fireworks will be seen in the sky, or perhaps it’s just your imagination, but on that day you feel excited but the truth is that day will pass, and it’s just 24 hrs like every other day, it’s the same , it’s you that is different or perhaps your perspective is different from the other days. You are already living a day, but you are hoping for the day, both are the same 24hrs but it is different to you.
A small fish swims up to an elder fish and asks “I am looking for the ocean”
He said, but the elder looked at him and said “this is the ocean” the small fish shaked his head, “no this is water, I am looking for the ocean”.
We wake up every day, with the same routine, hoping for something different something that makes it special, from other days, a spark perhaps, but the truth is everything is the same , it is just your perspective that is different, when we loose that spark we realise that everything is the same and we feel that life has been meaningless. Somethings aren’t really your purpose.
Scared of living, not having your spark, hold my hand, I will follow you as far as I can. Finding yourself on that rollercoaster that seems to pull you closer to the great beyond, some have lived well enough while some haven’t, but we still find ourselves being pulled closer into that void.
Walking out the front door, with a thought “how am I going to spend my life”
My answer ” I don’t know but I am going to live every minute of it” that’s how I am going to live my life.
Like a shining star that I could only behold but never see,
That’s how it was, but then you struck me where it hurt the most yesterday, and I forgave, it wasn’t the same but I let it go.
Today I realised that, once I get on a rocket and go to space, I could behold you to the fullest, and I also learnt that stars do fall……
Although you will always be a star to me, never changing, but I have realised that there are many stars like you, you can look up to them but they will never truly be with you, cause when morning comes you see them no more…..
I have realized that stars do fall,
I have realized that I can’t keep looking up at you, cause when morning comes I see you no more, for that reason I will become my own star…….
And now I look up to you no more than I do other stars…. Once in a while my eyes will wander but it will never hold the same weight …. Cause I will find my own light.
Ruminating – AKA thinking in endless circles about something is extremely exhausting and most times we are more likely to slip into depression.
I won’t lie, it’s probably a trend – a deadly trend. Each day I’m tweeting or gramming and another sucidial story pops up on my tablet.
The last time you saw someone before they died. That work presentation last week. Yesterday’s argument with your SO. Maybe the upcoming job interview. What it could have been like between you and your ex if you hadn’t said those words ? Maybe you’d still be together ? Were you wrong or right to have shouted on that younger sibling out of frustration ? Wondering what they all have in common ……….
You can overthink the hell out of them. But the truth still stays.
We all do it, and most of the time it’s relatively harmless. We churn over what we should have said, or over plan what we should do ahead, and then we move on. It’s fuzzing annoying, but it’s no more of an earworm than that song you can’t get out of your head or that nagging conversation you wish you could redo.
But for that some one in a particular situation, the thinking doesn’t stop and instead creates more distress. And it’s not great.
As a person who has dealt with overthinking both personally and momentarily, I can definitely confirm. It sucks. It steals time and energy and rarely produces anything except pain and hurt. And this exhausting process introduces you to it’s close relatives, anxiety and depression.
Drowning in an ocean of “what if’s”, dwelling on losses and missteps from the past, whether it’s something we can’t change or one we can’t predict. Our brain gets stuck trying to control the uncontrollable.
It might feel like you are problem solving, but you are not.
While many problems are solved through careful thoughts and deliberation, ruminating only negative thoughts without mentally moving on to a new perspective are two different situations.
Rumination tends to be about the bad stuff. It’s not reliving that winning shot or that joke we all laughed about, it’s slogging through the negatives.
They pop into our minds and linger around, causing mental distress and upset.
Most times we tend to blame ourselves for the wrongs going on in our lives but whether you believe in destiny or not, everything before us has been made so. So it’s up to you to get out of that loop.
Pop star sensation, Selena Gomez once said lyrically that happiness isn’t something you sit back and wait for. It’s a process you get your heart thrown on several brickwalls but choosing to pick it up the floor and back on the shelves.
If it takes engaging in fun, creative activities or journalling down your thoughts to get rid of all those fuzzing thoughts, whatever it takes, if it takes trial and trials, you’d surely get it right. Just please do.
Happy moments are worth ruminating over. It’s rare and just about what makes life worth it.
To every person out there suffering from depression or ruminating over the past and it’s baddies, you need to know your happiness depends on your present nor the past or the future. So go out there and learn what it’s like to dance again ….
The thing I fear the most , is what people think or what they will say. Many of us say otherwise but I think that is what we fear the most. When we dress, we question what people will think. When we speak…. Always seeking the approval of the world . Many of us deny it but when you lie as a defence mechanism it is all to spare yourself from what people will say, if you just told them the truth they wouldn’t understand, they would judge you.. so why not you let them…. But fear , fear of what will come.
How can we stay true if we cannot even say the truth to ourselves, if not for those people around us for ourselves…..’ I promise’ many of us say that word like it’s a joke, like it’s something that can be said jokingly, it’s now a common phrase but only if we knew that this phrase holds power….
When you tell someone that you promise you have made an oath to that person to attend to that situation and to keep your word, when you keep to your word , no matter the situation, time or place, you can truly call yourself faithful, you can truly call yourself truthful, cause if you can’t even keep to your word ….. Then you can go ahead and just proclaim yourself a liar…. And this little fact makes us all liars.
I can’t find the right words to describe this comprehension or perhaps this revelation, but I just figured out or rather came to the realization that no matter what there is always an end.
Be it life and growth…. Power and grace, it will all have an end. Perhaps today may become a legend, but trust me with time old things will pass away and new things come anew, of course the past is not lost but without a keeper to the memory , the memory is seen as forgotten or lost. The solemn truth is if you put your all Into something, your absolute all, no restrictions or limitations, you will yield what you seek, the only things that is impossible is the impossible becoming impossible, because as time comes and goes the impossible becomes possible.
Tomorrow I may not be here, and although I acknowledge that today , when death comes knocking I still feel that I will be alarmed, even though I have accepted it , it doesn’t stop the pain when it comes knocking. I am afraid that what I can’t bear is the loss of those people whom I fight with, chatter, cherish and love , that is maybe the power that can tear my soul into nothingness, but yet they are going and here I still stand , alive and okay, I wonder if I didn’t love them enough, or perhaps they are not my most cherished, even if that’s true, I want to keep on going, I want to have a chance to live and make mistakes , fix problems, help someone, be heartless, be friendly, be caring, be wicked, I want to have a chance, to make my name something or to just live, I want a chance….. The truth is I have already been given that chance but I wonder if I can utilize it, “what if I make a mistake I will forever regret” will I wallow in misery and waste this only chance I have????? That I don’t know but there are so many possibilities , so many that I am too much of a coward to choose the path I must follow…. The path that will decide , the path that will direct me, I really am just confused, and that is the one things that I keep saying.
Today on this night, as I seat on my bed with my siblings beside me, my brother in slumber, my sister with phone, as I seat cross legged, with my hair in disarray, with dried tears on my cheeks and new drops waiting to fall, “I pray sincerely that God will see me through, and help me” I am too impure to call my self purity, I am to selfish to call myself charity, I am too wicked to call myself mercy, I lack to much elegance to call myself grace, I am untrustful to call myself faith, the only name I think I can call myself is Pulixila (my name in a foreign language), and I think it’s good enough…. I am not an excellent student who comes home with awards and medals, I don’t always help the beggars on the street, I don’t always listen to people, and sometimes I can be rude and self-centered, but I can love with all my heart , I can make you smile even if it’s just for a second, when I put my heart truly into something I can do it, I do as I please and am pleased with what I do, I am going to die one day but I will live still….. My name is Puxila… No surname attached no price, no combo, no discount, no excess, or remnants, just call me Lia…… ❣️
Think about that..
Even just for a minute, and love that you are you even though sometimes some of us hate that fact…. 🤭
I wrote this last year, on one thoughtful night….. And I didn’t want to publish it, but I decided to share cause everyone deserves to know this….
There’s the world and then there’s me. As much as i enjoy knowing the people I know and love them, I still don’t feel souly connected to anyone.
I love, I socialize, sometimes I’m okay and everything feels alright but then again I feel there’s this one element I’m lacking or missing in my life. I really have no idea what it is but whenever that feeling comes it leaves a big hole in my heart.
I never really feel like I’m a part of anything once that feeling kicks in and maybe it never kicks in but somewhere in my life, I can feel it. They are just there and I’m here. I want that feeling of being absorbed into simple conversations, movies or that someone ( maybe I’ve got it and it’s just that insecurity again or maybe because I think they are gonna just leave me again like most people have done in the past..)
I’m confused by this feelings. I’m a paradox of my own self. I wanna feel that thing, but then I just never felt it or that someone inside of me refuses to feel it…. I dunno really. I’d be here and it would be there. It’s like that with almost everything and a few things just seem to break through me freely.
I feel like that with “music”, well atleast a few songs. And also most people but then the next second, I feel blank – I feel nothing and desperately long for it, even for a second. It’s like I’m a cassette player, and someone is messing with the tape, playing anything at anytime. When I don’t feel like doing something, I just don’t feel it and if I’m forced it just feels like someone’s smashing the walls of my life every single time.
I’m emotional, most people don’t think so but I’m amassed into a world of emotion, one I have been whined to understand. Even when I don’t speak I see my transfer of emotions which is sometimes weird for me especially, as a person who can hardly understand anything aside been confused and angry. It’s so hard but it’s true.
I don’t want to be angry but I think the only way my soul has found refuge is unleashing all my deepest hurts and confused state in a feet of rage. I feel like I shouldn’t be the only one feeling it, it’s wrong and selfish but it’s all me.
How weird I sympathetically care for the wicked and wrong doers, I know their actions are wrong but maybe no one ever cared to look at their sides of the story. Though I know a few still won’t find it convincing, but maybe if you’ve lived their share of pain or walked in their shoes, you’ll get a tinsy glimpse of what I see. I know it’s weird but it’s just beyond rare considering how I feel towards people close to me.
My personality is ………. Well unusual at its best. I have seasons, as does the rest of the world. Or since puberty took over. I feel like it built a prototype and it’s master in me. I remember seeing the world as flawless and huge and fun filled, quite painless as a child even in the midst of suffering, I never really bothered but now I do and alot. Most times I always cheer up, try to view things positively and reaffirm that pain never lasts forever but then again somewhere in my heart I doubt that’s even true.
I’m constantly thinking of the future, how wonderful things would turn out and then in the heat of the moment, the monster in me reminds me of my present only wanting me to see the flaws and not the things I could be grateful for.
The only feelings I felt then and now, are only ever in my head really. And how music manages to make me feel connected, it’s not the only thing. My friends, life’s drama, death, the feeling of love sometimes manages to pour out in the flesh who I really want to be. Drawing me in, feeling so good and emaced. But then it’s short lived.
Music can always be there though, lyrics playing back in my head. No electronics needed, just a jukebox of memories, fiddling with my thoughts and reliving my favourite moments and smiling and dancing all to myself. And the only one who fully understands is me, it’s only ever in my head.
No one else can sit in my head, and relax without going mad. Freak, I know but no matter how well it seems it’s awesome. People make no sense. I still find it hard understanding the opposite sex, and even my own too. I could sit down all day and watch the world go round and still wouldn’t be able to decipher how things work.
So far, with my eminent research, in and outside my tidal zone, there’s no explanation to people. People are people. But I’m still in search of an explanation. A reasoning, behind people. I’m looking for it, that something, and I know it’s there. I feel maybe if I’m able to figure this out, then not only have I found out people but maybe I’ll finally bridge the gap within my True self and the different prototypes within me and feel them.
Will understanding people ever lead to understanding myself ? I love me for me but why do I hate to be me atimes ? Why do I feel this feelings ? Why am I easily triggered ? Where does all this sudden outburst come from ? Does anyone truly understand me ? Will I ever truly feel an emotional connection to another human being ?Well I dunno but I’ll keep seeking answers. I doubt I’ll ever get it, but I’ll keep searching anyways.
So there it is. There’s the world and then, there’s ME.
Shout out to the world. In my feelings at the moment and just thought I could pin this down so one day, I can look back and say yes I did it, I learnt to understand myself and now I’m at my best.
I’m aware right now is a challenging time for us all. The world battling the coronavirus and we all differently fighting our own battles. Just needed to remind you it’s okay to be you all the time.
Would love to hear your struggles, a little word of encouragement or just something to tell someone out there who’s in there feelings as well.
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