In my previous post, I wrote about not being understood and not being able to understand myself. But today, I think I have been able to put the pieces together.

I figured that maybe all I ever wanted is someone who will love me only. It’s being selfish but I think all I ever want is for me to be remembered.

Maybe I never want to be forgotten. All I want is for that one person who could never live without me to never forget me.

I figured that the day I never wake up is the day, the whole world cries and remember the good I’ve done. But maybe I’m not interested in that, all I want is for that one person to never forget me.

I want to be described as someone who lived freely, one who cared and loved, one who accepted people for who they were. Like me or not.

The truth is I’m afraid of dying, I’m afraid of death in general. But lately I learnt maybe I’m only scared because it may happen too soon, and maybe I haven’t done enough to be solely remembered by that someone.

I want someone who wouldn’t be able to live without me, someone who lives for me in every second and every breath. Maybe that’s why I close in on the world, on people around me, maybe that’s the reason why a frown is my natural look and my smile is rare.

Maybe it’s all because I’m yet to be sure of who deserves to truly know me. And maybe it’s because I’m scared that if I love anyone too much, they’d hurt me or wouldn’t love me the way I love them. But then again I do it, I love so much I’m scared I’m going to lose myself. I’m scared one day they may just stop loving me. I’m scared of losing them.

If you’ve ever loved someone or felt like I do then I’m thinking you should know I picture the future with them in it. I want to be a part of their pain and happiness and I want them to be part of mine Also. But yet again, I’m Scared. I’m scared the future as something else planned or maybe something may just happen and I’ll never feel the same way for them again. I’m scared because maybe I’ve felt something different in the past, for someone else and it ended up not like I thought it would.

This time I feel so different, this feeling is very different and unique. I’m physically and emotionally attracted to them, it’s like we are intertwined though I’m pretty much sure they may not feel same. Maybe I’m sidelined or distracted sometimes, but I always find my thoughts wondering back to them. It’s either in my dreams or my thoughts when I watch movies, or read books or even when I’m sad. Most times they are the reason why I’m sad and happy at the same time. It feels so good and yet I feel insecure. I feel maybe one day, they may just feel for someone else and not me.

I’m scared of the future, and I’m scared of feelings as well. I told someone once that emotions are dangerous and I’m beginning to reason it. It’s so true. They are hard to read or decipher. It’s different in every person and it could also change like the weather conditions. Sometimes I feel my heart is cooking up a storm, and I feel it could all just disappear one day.

They say change is inevitable but I just pray so much that we never change. But still time changes every thing. I feel my life as a movie, and very anxious to see the ending, and so again I’m scared because it may not be what I pictured or planned. Fate has a way of working it’s things, but then again I wish I could write my own.

A certain little girl once told me that we write our own destiny but I don’t think it’s true. I feel it has all been destined and no matter how much we try, we can never change it. I know I’m running faster than time itself but I just want to see where it all ends. I know it’s better to live in the moment but yet again, I’m desperately waiting for it. I’m anxious to know if they’d be in my life then or maybe I’ll feel differently towards them. I’m unsure but I really want to know.

Enough words or phrases can’t put in enough of how I feel or what I’m feeling. My senses choose to promise forever with or without them in it but yet again my heart is josling within, whether or not.

Yet again, I positively assure myself that I can be anything I dream. I choose to be a shooting star when I look into my heart. I choose to believe in me and in them, I choose to believe in forever. Whatever it leads, I’m promising we’d get through it together, with or without.

I pray for happiness and peace of mind, in my forever. I choose to die only when I’m fulfilled, when it’s truly my time. When I’m not scared anymore but when I’ve mastered the art of living with dying, because that’s where it all ever ends.

And again, I wish it has you in it. I genuinely hope it does.

23. I love you so much. 05. Still love me too. 20. Stop trying too hard, maybe afterall we are fine. 20. You’ll forever be enough🤞

Yours🤞😘😘😘

Kantierbee😝😝😝😝😝. Officially back baby🥳🥳🥳👻