I have always thought I wasn’t good enough to live. ( Not sucidal or anything 😅) Maybe it’s because of decisions I make, or because I care too much of other people’s thoughts, you are probably thinking that I shouldn’t listen to others, and trust me I am not, but on those times when I am all by myself thinking, their words come to mind and I ask myself what right do I have to live? Without a purpose? Without a spark? What are my living for? Am I fulfilled?

Trying to find my purpose
I am walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, along the line I find out that
We don’t make our own purposes, your purpose is your meaning of life, how you see the world, what you make out of it, Your spark is what makes you happy, that thing you seem to do that makes you special, that adds glitter and shimmer, the icing on the cake, you love playing the piano, you love dancing, you love singing, you love calculating, you love reading, you love sitting down, you love eating chips on a deflated couch👀, you love singing in the shower even though everyone tells you that your voice is horrible 😅, that is the spark , what makes everything better to you, it seems like our purpose but it is not.

Waiting my entire life, just for this day, hoping that I’d feel different, a spark, like things are going to change but it’s just like every other day, what makes it feel special is you and your choice. You find yourself waiting, and hoping for alot of things, the day you meet the queen of England, or perhaps the day you finish school, the day you are independent, the day you finally get to meet your celebrity idol, D- day waiting , on that day fireworks will be seen in the sky, or perhaps it’s just your imagination, but on that day you feel excited but the truth is that day will pass, and it’s just 24 hrs like every other day, it’s the same , it’s you that is different or perhaps your perspective is different from the other days. You are already living a day, but you are hoping for the day, both are the same 24hrs but it is different to you.

A small fish swims up to an elder fish and asks
“I am looking for the ocean”

He said, but the elder looked at him and said “this is the ocean” the small fish shaked his head, “no this is water, I am looking for the ocean”.

We wake up every day, with the same routine, hoping for something different something that makes it special, from other days, a spark perhaps, but the truth is everything is the same , it is just your perspective that is different, when we loose that spark we realise that everything is the same and we feel that life has been meaningless. Somethings aren’t really your purpose.

Scared of living, not having your spark, hold my hand, I will follow you as far as I can. Finding yourself on that rollercoaster that seems to pull you closer to the great beyond, some have lived well enough while some haven’t, but we still find ourselves being pulled closer into that void.

Walking out the front door, with a thought “how am I going to spend my life”

My answer ” I don’t know but I am going to live every minute of it” that’s how I am going to live my life.

~~~Pixie❤️