Sun, December 20, 2020

12:23 – 1:00 Am

I can’t find the right words to describe this comprehension or perhaps this revelation, but I just figured out or rather came to the realization that no matter what there is always an end.

Be it life and growth…. Power and grace, it will all have an end. Perhaps today may become a legend, but trust me with time old things will pass away and new things come anew, of course the past is not lost but without a keeper to the memory , the memory is seen as forgotten or lost. The solemn truth is if you put your all Into something, your absolute all, no restrictions or limitations, you will yield what you seek, the only things that is impossible is the impossible becoming impossible, because as time comes and goes the impossible becomes possible.

Tomorrow I may not be here, and although I acknowledge that today , when death comes knocking I still feel that I will be alarmed, even though I have accepted it , it doesn’t stop the pain when it comes knocking. I am afraid that what I can’t bear is the loss of those people whom I fight with, chatter, cherish and love , that is maybe the power that can tear my soul into nothingness, but yet they are going and here I still stand , alive and okay, I wonder if I didn’t love them enough, or perhaps they are not my most cherished, even if that’s true, I want to keep on going, I want to have a chance to live and make mistakes , fix problems, help someone, be heartless, be friendly, be caring, be wicked, I want to have a chance, to make my name something or to just live, I want a chance….. The truth is I have already been given that chance but I wonder if I can utilize it, “what if I make a mistake I will forever regret” will I wallow in misery and waste this only chance I have????? That I don’t know but there are so many possibilities , so many that I am too much of a coward to choose the path I must follow…. The path that will decide , the path that will direct me, I really am just confused, and that is the one things that I keep saying.

Today on this night, as I seat on my bed with my siblings beside me, my brother in slumber, my sister with phone, as I seat cross legged, with my hair in disarray, with dried tears on my cheeks and new drops waiting to fall, “I pray sincerely that God will see me through, and help me” I am too impure to call my self purity, I am to selfish to call myself charity, I am too wicked to call myself mercy, I lack to much elegance to call myself grace, I am untrustful to call myself faith, the only name I think I can call myself is Pulixila (my name in a foreign language), and I think it’s good enough…. I am not an excellent student who comes home with awards and medals, I don’t always help the beggars on the street, I don’t always listen to people, and sometimes I can be rude and self-centered, but I can love with all my heart , I can make you smile even if it’s just for a second, when I put my heart truly into something I can do it, I do as I please and am pleased with what I do, I am going to die one day but I will live still….. My name is Puxila… No surname attached no price, no combo, no discount, no excess, or remnants, just call me Lia…… ❣️

Think about that..

Even just for a minute, and love that you are you even though sometimes some of us hate that fact…. 🤭

I wrote this last year, on one thoughtful night….. And I didn’t want to publish it, but I decided to share cause everyone deserves to know this….

😋😊 Lia out….. 🤸🏽‍♂️🤸🏽‍♂️