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Love That Gets Lost in Translation

Dear Reader, 
Quick favour, please put on your headphones and play Eternity by Alex Warren while you read.

It’s heartbreaking.


Not everyone will understand the way we love — and even fewer will understand what it takes for me to translate that love into a language they can feel.

Some of us weren’t  taught to love out loud. We didn’t grow up with loud declarations or overflowing affection. Love, for me, was quiet. It was sacrifice. It was subtle. It was folding someone’s clothes before they asked. It was remembering how they liked their food, checking in between long days, holding back my own pain to make space for theirs. 

That’s the kind of love I carry, not flashy, not poetic, but present in the shadows, steady in the background. I’ve always had to stretch myself, not just emotionally, but physically and mentally, to show up for the people I care about. 

My life is layered with responsibility. With dreams that demand everything. With a future I’m actively building while no one sees the cost. But no matter how much I give, it still hurts when the people I love look at me and question if I ever did.


If I ever meant it.
If I ever tried.

It hurts when they say: “You claim to love me…”like it’s an accusation. Like my love has to prove itself in someone else’s language to be real.

It means I care so much, I try to offer whatever pieces of me I can, even when I’m running on fumes.

Recently, a connection that reminded me just how much love languages matter. Theirs was about presence. Constant meet ups. Sharing space. Feeling close. Mine? Mine lived in the cracks of my tired days, a message sent before sleep, a quick call squeezed between obligations, asking how they were even when my own chest was heavy with silence.

I couldn’t always be there physically, but I tried to be there emotionally. And in my world, that was a big thing. That was love.

But love like mine is easy to overlook. Because it doesn’t always come wrapped in the way people want. They compromised more than they should have. And I won’t pretend I didn’t feel the weight of that. I watched them slip away slowly, like a quiet goodbye that hadn’t been spoken yet. I didn’t blame them. We were both giving different things, both holding different versions of love, and mine, sadly, wasn’t enough to feel held.

That’s the grief no one talks about.

Sometimes, love isn’t absent, it’s just lost in translation. We give what we know. What we’ve been taught. What we have the capacity for. And when it doesn’t match what the other person needs, it creates a loneliness neither of us can fix.

That’s a grief of its own.


Now I know not everyone will understand. Not everyone will see that the message left unread was me re-reading it for hours, unable to come up with a reply because it touched my entire being. That the canceled plan wasn’t avoidance, it was burnout. That the silence wasn’t distance, it was me, trying to survive my own life.

And maybe that’s the hardest part.

To know you loved someone in every quiet way you knew how and they still walked away thinking you didn’t love them at all.

And maybe the most painful part of it all…
is knowing I loved. Fully. Bravely.


Even in the small, tired ways no one else noticed.
Even the one that I bled to give.

The silence that felt empty but  God knows it was full of everything I didn’t know how to say.

I wonder if one day they’ll remember me —
not in the loud moments,
not in the arguments,
but in the stillness.

like a heart that gave too much in a language no one ever bothered to learn.

So if another heart ever has to doubt my love, I hope they know I did. 


God, I did.

Featured

Emotional cripples

By @nightshadevalentine via Deviantart

Have you ever felt like you were meeting the same people over and over again, just in different bodies? Or perhaps you’ve experienced the frustration of finding the right person at the wrong time?

Seems like a trap? Ain’t it?

Well, It’s a phenomenon that many of us can relate to, and it often leaves us questioning the role of the universe or a higher power in our lives.

In the intricate tapestry of our existence, it sometimes seems like certain souls are destined to cross our paths repeatedly.

Whether it’s an old friend who resurfaces after years apart or a new acquaintance who feels strangely familiar, these encounters can be both perplexing and enlightening.

One perspective to consider is that these recurring connections are not mere coincidences but intentional lessons from the universe or a higher divine force. Each encounter, whether it brings joy or heartache, has something to teach us. It might be a lesson about forgiveness, letting go, or finding our own inner strength.

The idea of meeting the same people in different bodies challenges our preconceived notions of time and space. It suggests that the bonds we form with others transcend physical existence and may be part of a greater plan. It asks us to reflect on the significance of these encounters and what they mean for our personal growth and development.

Timing, as they say, is everything.

Sometimes, we find ourselves drawn to someone who seems perfect for us, but circumstances conspire to keep us apart. It can be agonizing to realize that the right person has come into our lives at the wrong time. Yet, perhaps there is a purpose to this timing. Maybe we need to focus on our own growth and healing before we can fully embrace the love or connection that awaits us.

In these moments of frustration and confusion, it can be helpful to trust in the wisdom of the universe or the guidance of a higher power. Maybe there are lessons we need to learn or experiences we must go through before we can fully appreciate the beauty of the connections that come our way.

Embracing the concept of meeting the same souls in different bodies challenges us to be more mindful of our interactions with others. It encourages us to look beyond the surface and consider the deeper meaning of the connections we make. It invites us to be open to the possibility that every encounter, no matter how fleeting or painful, has a purpose.

So, the next time you find yourself meeting someone who feels like an old friend in a new guise or encountering the right person at what seems like the wrong time, take a moment to reflect. Consider the lessons you might be meant to learn, the growth you might be meant to achieve, and the role of the universe or a higher power in guiding your path.

In the end, being an “emotional cripple” is not about weakness but about the strength to confront life’s mysteries and embrace the lessons that come our way.

It’s about recognizing the beauty and significance of meeting the same souls in different bodies, and trusting that there is a greater purpose behind it all.

I hope you enjoy your own company in the main time. Getting to know yourself has never been better🤍

I hope you trust yourself to not make the same mistakes twice, and when you do, please forgive yourself and understand the lessons behind it all.

After all, you’re only human!

~All my love and God’s own, Kantierbee💋

It’s time to let go.

Art by Lara Verdu (IG@lara.v.lines)

I’ve always envied those people who end up spending their lives with the first person they loved. I can’t imagine how fulfilling it must be to know that your heart got it right the first time. What must it be like to know that love never betrayed you?

These stories of first love turned only love are despairingly rare.

In time, most people come to view first loves with fondness and affection. First love is when we learn that vulnerability requires courage and strength. First love is often when we realize that endings are inevitable. First love shapes us whether we want it to or not.

In our culture’s current dating climate, first love seems a taboo topic. How do you count someone as a “first love” when the relationship remained undefined and unlabeled? How do you confess that you were insignificant to someone who meant so much to you and who taught you so much about your own heart? How do you reconcile the shallowness of the other person’s experience with the depth of emotion you felt for them?

How does something that once seemed to bring two people so much joy become something that is no longer worth fighting for?

Sometimes a first love serves the purpose of showing you what love should not look like. In this case, first love may give you a warped impression of relationships, and it may leave you wondering if you’d be happier on your own.

Sometimes first love is blissful, and it only ends because two people want different things in life or because timing and circumstances worked against them.

For some people, their first love that got away was a hobby, a parent, a friend, a soulmate or maybe their inner child.

Every love is love. And as much as it’s easier to say move on and encourage us to move past it, when all is said and done, you still look back and wonder where you go it wrong.

Regardless of the first love experience, one thing is common between them all. It’s hard to let go of all you hoped it would be.

When you experience something for the first time, no matter what that experience is, it’s hard to understand and navigate. You might feel inadequate or stupid for not knowing how to handle everything the experience brings, especially when the heart is involved, and most especially when another person is involved.

It’s already overwhelming to figure out new things. When you add the thoughts, feelings, and actions of another person into the equation, it becomes impossible to solve. The head and the heart might be at odds because you cannot apply logic to emotion.

When a first love ends, it rips you apart. It affects you on a fundamental level and calls into question everything you thought you understood about the world, life, yourself. You feel like you’ll never see the world in the same hopeful light ever again, and the hard truth is, you never will. Having your heart broken for the first time challenges the naïve optimism that good intentions are met with positive outcomes. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

How do you recover from something when you can’t even begin to understand it?

There is no easy answer to this question. For centuries, musicians, poets, novelists, playwrights, artists have all created works exploring love and broken hearts; centuries of humans have searched for a cure for heartbreak, and the resounding answer seems to be this: The only way out is through.

Once you accept the finality of the ending, you can allow yourself to embrace the heartache. Fighting against it, denying its presence, minimizing its effect on you will only prolong the process. It won’t be easy, and some days you might feel like you’re drowning and like the sun will never break through the darkness surrounding your heart.

Maybe the only thing that will carry you through is the hope that one day, when the wound has healed, you’ll be able to recall your first love and recognize all the necessary lessons you learned through it.

Maybe you’ll be able to remind yourself that you faced heartache head-on, and you refused to let it harden you. You chose to stay soft at a time when it would have been easier to shut out the world, to stop caring about people.

You didn’t let heartbreak break you.

Instead you realized that the world and everything in it never really belonged to you anyway.

You realize that “ All you own is yourself”.

~Inspired by a Rupi Kaur poem🫶

All my love, Kantierbee🖤

Pushing Your Limits

Take the chance!

Have you ever felt the surge of adrenaline that comes from pushing your limits? That exhilarating moment when you defy expectations and exceed your own boundaries?

It’s a feeling that sparks both fear and excitement, taking you on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

The Gateway to Personal Growth, Fear is a natural response when faced with challenges that push our limits. As humans, we are thought from childhood to hold on to a certain mentality.

Some ideologies end up embedded in our subconscious and shape our individuality. Many of us are scared to step outside that world we’ve always been in and never try to break those barriers.

The truth is every time you say you can’t, you are busy limiting yourself. Underestimating what you’re capable of and how well you know yourself.

Heard somewhere that you never truly know who you are till you’ve been tested.

Till you’ve gone through life’s “what if(s)”. You never really know who YOU really are.

Comfort zones can be deceivingly comfortable, but they can also hinder personal development. Pushing your limits requires resilience—the ability to bounce back stronger from failures and setbacks.

Pushing your limits is a transformative journey that challenges and shapes us into the best versions of ourselves. It may be uncomfortable and require immense effort, but the rewards are immeasurable.

Embrace fear, overcome obstacles, step outside your comfort zone, cultivate resilience, and celebrate personal milestones.

By doing so, you will unlock your full potential and discover a world of endless possibilities.

Are you ready to break barriers and push your limits?

The choice is yours.

🫶Your favourite Melanin goddess bursting with literary goodness🤭

…..To fight tomorrow

The past few days has put a toll on so many people’s mental health. The voting process was exhausting both for the people exercising their votes and we, the social media cheerleaders.

This has made me reflect on many things life throws at us and we are just encouraged to keep going instead of mourning our losses.

From outgrowing a relationship, especially one you wanted so desperately to hold onto. Letting go of friendships you were certain would last a lifetime, having to accept that the life you had been planning won’t happen. Coming to terms that two people in a marriage couldn’t grow together. Leaving behind a place you made years of memories in watching distance kill a relationship, and not being able to change it, watching someone slowly fall out of love with you, because they want a different version, watching people walk out of your life when you are honest about who you are, who you love, or what you believe in living with a body that is constantly finding ways to betray you realizing that a person only loved the idea of you they created, and the love they handed you during that time was a lie because of it.

Having to give up certain dreams to make room for other things, retiring from a career you spent your entire life working towards not being able to have the kind of family you always dreamed of the ache of no longer being the person to initiate contact with someone, and never hearing from them again. Confronting that the life you knew wasn’t what you thought it was, not being able to turn to the person who used to be your safest place, because they can’t be that for you anymore, never getting years of your life back because you lived in fear of eternal torture and damnation, accepting that an older version of yourself is gone, desperately wishing you could somehow bring them back.

So many things Nigeria couldn’t offer, with so many in diaspora, I now understand why we survive with whatever life brings our way. Why ‘The abroad’ is better as long as it’s not Nigeria.

But If I have learned anything this past few years, it’s that you won’t ever be ready for what life throws at you. You will never be adequately prepared. You won’t have the right words when it counts for something. You won’t know the right answer when fate itself is staring you down.

I’ve learned I can go on waiting for something, sustained by hope and nothing more, or I can put it to one side and shrug my shoulders. Bravely accept the fact that I can’t keep my heart safe any more than I can stop love from taking everything from me.

I have learned to stop saying yes when I don’t mean it- to live as authentically as I know how. To allow the tips of my fingers to skirt the darkness, as long as I remember to keep my eyes fixed on the light. And as one door opens and another closes, I will move forward with the knowledge that unlike so many others, I have another year ahead of me- another shot at making it all the way around the sun, and a chance to get it right this time ’round.

So therefore, we live to fight another day✊🏿

From the desk of your West African Nigerian Goddess!

BREATHE

(Be Resilient Everytime A Thought Hinders Excellence )

We know Imposter Syndrome exists. To some of us more than others. It has hindered many from taking major steps in their career and even blindsided professionals from identifying unconventional opportunities when they present themselves.

On a honest note, this was supposed to come out in February but better late than never. We’ve all had time to revisit the last 12 months (2022) and if you truly “unpack” the year, can you honestly say you took up every opportunity that presented itself?

The answer is no, not necessarily, because you outrightly declined them, but your predetermined ideologies have hindered your success.

Personally I would say I’m a very happy self obsessed person. Sometimes I’m walking with full fledged confidence. Its beautiful and I feel like I’m on top of the world but there are just some days where you can’t seem to take yourself out of that dark place. The days where we feel like a monster to ourselves.

I learnt that it’s all outrightly not bad. I read somewhere that everything was created to ensure balance. The Yin to Yang, man to woman, peace to chaos, love to hate, and so much more.

Everything was created to ensure perfect balance. For every force of action comes a receptive moment as well so do well to understand that we all are just figuring things out.

So while we all are unraveling what life really means, please do not be an addition to the pain that someone is going through. Be kind to those your path crosses with and always remember that kind people are the best kind of people.

💢Talk kindly to yourself; you deserve to be pampered with words.

💢 Invest in yourself; do the things that you love when you love to.

💢 Surround yourself with people who are kind to you.

💢 Practice gratitude and positive affirmations.

“Be kind to yourself so that you can be happy enough to be kind to the world.” – Misha Collins.

We are all just accompanying each other home. No one has ever done this before so be kind to yourself and everyone around you.

Remember to show someone immense love today because “In the end only kindness matters”

Share and tag your loved ones. Let that special someone know you’re thinking of them today✍🏿

From a state of serenity,

~Kantierbee

Ranty Rants

I wanted to see the world as a blue unicorny magic space, where ‘anything was possible’ I didn’t just know how true it was.

Like it was literally true, ‘anything is possible’ and I mean nothing is also possible because nothing would also be anything, so yes the logic is anything even nothing or even something’s is possible (●♡∀♡) know this and be free🤭🤭 (okay that is weird)

I often think about ‘Love’ as a whole of itself, it’s not just about the romantic kind, or the physical love, I think of love in all it’s aspects , like if you told someone you loved them? Would it be true , in your heart, would it be just from the spur of the moment., Something your brain privately sectioned or placed under the ‘you are in love motion’ or better still ‘this is love motion, for the brain, what was love? For the heart what was love, for the body what was love, for you what was love, for your soul what is love, and for all the answers to all these questions which was truly love, which wasn’t, what was love. I would also think about other things like what love entailed? Was love a tragedy, or just a walk of happiness in our sad , unpredictable lives,

Is love something that exists as a consolation to our souls or was it a pattern to living, I always said everyone had something they loved and for those that claimed they didn’t believe in love, I would say they probably loved themselves or even food, love seems to be so simple and everyone had a picture of what love is and should be* for some love is that cuteness and patience that tolerates anything and everything, for some *others love is a bold heart that trembles yet would fight mountains and snow storms ….

if someone asked me what I thought of the term, I’d say love was intense yet gentle, I would say love was selfish yet generous, I would say love was jealous yet forgiving, it is angry yet happy, love is blind yet sees all, love is so many things, so many, that one couldn’t describe in a thousand pages, yes! Love was that serious, love is not between a man and a woman, love is something that could be found between plants and animals, love was kind , love is a miracle, love is magical, love made impossibilities possible, love is a rare and precious gift, love is more than sayings of sweet nothings between a man and a maiden, love was so much yet so little all at once, love exists, love is not something that can be considered fake and fleeting, love is love, love is not disputable, I used to think that there was always love amongst man, just in levels of intensity, but now I don’t think like that anymore, love was either love simple and undiluted or it wasn’t … 🤷🏽‍♀️

Oh wow(●♡∀♡). … Love is a gift, borne in a realm of unknowns, love is a treasure unseen , unfelt yet more precious than gold and rubies, if I ever met love(◔‿◔) I would say thank you ｡◕‿◕｡♡.

If you meet love, extend my greetings ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

A cure for my tears

“Find me a cure for my tears”

It starts slowly, prickling my eyes, constricting my heart , it makes my face twist in pain, my heart feels too heavy for me, it makes me want to scream, rattled gurgling noises erupt from within, there is something, something I am trying to hold onto , but I can’t , too weak to move, the pain is overwhelming, and then , then a river of salty water flows , turning white windows to red glistening glows clouded enough to go blind , isn’t this poison? Find me a cure for my tears …

She came back today and I felt true pain, I looked into her eyes, squeezing in pain, she couldn’t say it and I just stood there not knowing what she needed, I don’t need a bullet, I think this would be similar to a gun shot

I love you, you don’t have to believe me and you may not even want to hear it, but I love you and I always will, not even you can dispute that fact.

” They say light enters through the wound, but on most days i can’t stand the sunlight”

Who am I?

Have you ever been asked who you were? Have you ever wondered who you were ? What would you say about yourself? What would you describe yourself as?

Who are you? What comes to your mind first, what is the first thing you can associate yourself with, something that in you it is found and in it you are found, who are you?

I don’t know about you, but I am a child of God, and I am chosen, redeemed, loved, sealed, forgiven, and so much more.

When you are talking about the attributes of something you have to look at it , understand the behaviors and patterns. Who understands that thing better than it’s creator, talk much more of a human being, talk much more of YOU!

The creator defines his creation

So who created you, as much as I know God created me and you, and in Ephesians 1,2 he says you are loved, you are chosen, you are forgiven …. God says you are beautiful, he says you are his , when Someone says you are insignificant he says , you are his daughter , his son in whom he is well pleased, God says you are wonderfully made, he says you are loved, he speaks of the great plans he has for you, all that he says , that is who you are!

Nobody gets a say, nobody! Not even you! And nobody gets to say what size , what weight, what “color” , nobody gets to say who is smart enough, who is good enough, who is bold enough, because he says “you are my son/my daughter in whom I am well pleased”

Just wanted to tell you who I am…

Rant.com

The weak have no choice but to be relentlessly crushed by the strong.

Whenever happiness is destroyed it is always followed by the scent of blood -tanjirou Kamado

If you can do only one thing , hone it to perfection, work on refining it to the utmost perfection.

We were continuously scraping at the surface, trying to grasp what truly meant something.

To make a sword u keep clobbering it and clobbering it to get rid of the impurities, it’s alright to cry but don’t ever give up, work to forge yourself like a tempered blade, be the most resilient of all, focus on what you do best!

Even if you die, and it feels like there is no hope to it, like it’s a waste of time, all the people you helped, will continue it for you. It’s like passing the baton , what are u going to pass on ? It’s not about remembering you it’s about impacting in a way that stays forever even when u are no longer around😌.

As long as I am alive , Everything I want, I will keep striving to get, if I wake up, it means I ain’t done yet, even if it’s impossible, unheard of , whatever limitations are bound to it, everything, every single thing, I want, I will keep striving to get it, I will keep going, it doesn’t matter how hard it gets, how hot or cold it’s going to be, as long as I wake up then I am not done yet 😌

Were we incapable of lOVE

Somebody ACE: Yes! I read alot of books, and yes! I was a big fan of the fairy tale love, the ever-after, the I hate you drama when they mean the opposite, yes and I loved the romantic fights and cliche catch and fall, but I am the last person who would believe in something as fictional as LOVE…


Somebody AEC : I know love exists, I just didn’t believe that any of us where capable of something so surreal as love, yes we claimed to love each other, and Said the cute ” I love you” , kisses and hugs, but the truth is none of us were capable enough to actually give something as powerful as love, we couldn’t , we were too selfish, too self conscious and we couldn’t even love ourselves properly to give something as powerful as love to someone else, even when we tried , we could only try , it was just like a child trying to balance on an adult’s chair, it didn’t fit, it wasn’t ” …” I think that’s all we could really do, we could try to love but we would end up failing, because we were incapable of something so surreal, we were to angry and easily offended, we were unforgiving…


Love! Has no anger, Love was patient, Love was kind, Love was forgiving, Love was trust, Love had no doubts, Love was true, Love was alot of things, alot of things we didn’t possess, alot of things we were building up, but probably wouldn’t be able to truly have, love wasn’t impossible, it was just too real for us, I think instead of saying I love you, we should be saying , I am Willing to try and love you, not because the other person didn’t deserve love, it was simply because we couldn’t actually love someone truly, we could only try, it was because God was love!

We were endlessly scraping at the surface, trying to grasp and phantom, how to love someone, “trying”

There was no debate if love was real or not, most of us just couldn’t handle what it would take to love someone, as it is, we were trying everyday to love ourselves and still it wasn’t easy, talk more of someone else

Deep down we were all capable of love, we Just found it way easier to back down when trials appear, we didn’t want the complications that came with trying to love someone.

It may not be easy but everyday of your life try to love someone (θ‿θ).

IN THE MUD

The one who BLOOMED in the mud

Have you heard of the flower that bloomed in the mud?

The lotus flower grows in the mud far away from the sun, but sooner or later, the Lotus reaches the light and becomes the most beautiful flower …

This concept of growth, creation and just the story behind it makes it one of my most loved flowers, at first I was just attracted to the flower and I always wanted to see one someday, but recently I saw the growth story behind it and I fell in love with it, It’s inspiring and maybe it isn’t like the elegant rose with thorns but it sure has it’s own story.

There were people who could relate with this story of the lotus, having being born in poverty or perhaps in suffering and pain, not lavish but slowly and surely they fought and found their way to the light, the lotus wasn’t beautiful just because of how it looked but it was beautiful because it had fought for it’s place in the light and that was worthy of Praise.

The flowers emerge clean and bright, there were people who were able to preserve the goodness of their heart and candidness through the ugly phases in their lives.

We have all been through the ugly phases of life, and even if there was someone that hasn’t, then when we eventually pass through the trails in life , most of us find it hard to get through it, some remain stuck in that phase forever , not finding the light to breakthrough, some hide the pain under the cover of darkness, but there were some people who despite the trials and tribulation fought hard to remain true, to keep the light, they fought hard to protect the goodness, they didn’t let life’s trials shatter them or break them, yes they stumbled but they fought hard to find the light, just like the lotus emerging from the mud, CLEAN and BRIGHT..

In all honesty, I believe that everyone has been in mud, even in different ways and types, but we have all been in the mud of life.. hoping to get out from the situation, yet not being able to, the problems I believe everyone has one, just like mud, sticking and dirty, refusing to leave easily, the problems were there, I didn’t know for sure but I wanted to believe that at one point in all our lives, in the circle of every living thing, there was a little hiccup, a little stumble, it was because that was the balance, the perfection that we have come to realize and accept, at one point we would all experience troubles, trials and tribulations , no matter what you wanted to call it , small or big, and perhaps most of us would want something as blissful as a result just like the lotus.

I also wish that I could emerge CLEAN and BRIGHT, maybe we all did, maybe we all would and maybe we wouldn’t, who knows😅 but if there is something I wanted you to hold on to from this Little writing of mine, it would be that….. “the Light is never far away, you just had to find it” ……

✨Happy new year✨, I hope that you always find the light …. ❤️❤️